I pride myself on my ability to communicate well – after all I’ve made it my job for the last 15 years. But in recent years I have faced my biggest personal communication challenge to date: to advocate for my son’s needs to be met, within his education setting. I have gone through every emotion during these turbulent years – from shame, to doubt, from fear to rage, and on the days of progress, some intense joy.
And despite my capacity to convert my thoughts and feelings into a persuasive argument, despite my exacting administrative skills– it has been what has felt like a near constant battle. That challenge to communicate coherently, especially when under pressure, is what pushes people to seek professional support from the like of us at Communication Collective. So many people, 75% apparently, suffer from a fear of ‘public speaking’, whether that be on a small scale (talking to a couple of others at a meeting), or on a large scale (presenting to a room full of people).
So over the last four years of fight, I have felt such awareness, and at time guilt, that because I can communicate clearly, have administrative skills & the privilege of an income and a network of family and friends to support me, I have been able to relentlessly fight a system which has felt so keen to push me away. When our first EHCP needs assessment request was turned down, I didn’t feel fear when requesting to meet with the Head of Children’s Services to defend my corner. When support was lacking at school, I found the financial reserve to seek private assessments. When life felt utterly bleak, I insisted on ringing the doctor on repeat until we got the referral to CAMHS our son needed. When asked for proof, I had the detailed records they requested.
But there have been skills & tools I had to use to ensure I didn’t give up, and these may be relevant whatever your communication challenge is:
- Clarifying your end goal, and not losing sight of it.
- Researching the potentially black and white systems or workplaces you are navigating to really understand them, thus enabling you to formulate experiences into facts, data & proof.
- Alongside that, keeping it authentic. Remembering what is at the centre of this challenge, and not enabling the ‘system’ to turn that into just a reference number or a project name.
- Finding a support circle – be that friends or family members, or paid support. Challenges are rarely best faced alone.
- Signing up to relevant courses or training, to better equip yourself.
- Keeping exacting records. Start a document that tracks everything relevant.
- Being relentless in pursuit of your goal. Not giving up. Ever.
I am trying not to focus on my fixed idea of what a successful outcome would be for my son. Instead, trying
- To use set backs to develop my resilience
- To shift my perspective, from negative cycles
- To only communicate on the matter when I am in my ‘adult’ state – ie present, calm, able to truly listen and respond
- To adjust my ideas when necessary
- To shift my mindset
For whatever challenge you are currently facing, I wish you strength.
Something to read: The Big Issue had a great article on the topic
Something to list to: Connective Parenting podcast
Where I turned for support:
Parenting Courses – specifically the NVR course